Friday, May 20, 2011

Interstitial Cystitis ("IC")

I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis almost two years ago. I knew something was wrong with me about four years ago, though. My doctor kept telling me that I had different forms of UTIs, but I know that it was something more than that. When I was younger, I can remember at least back in 6th or 7th grade, that I did not like using the bathroom. I always felt uncomfortable afterwards. My mom asks why I didn’t mention this to her back then, but I didn’t know how you were supposed to feel after you used the bathroom and this wasn’t something that you just bring up in conversation. It was around the time of puberty and I was already having to deal those issues. If this was something that wasn’t normal it would have just added to my confusion and insecurities at that time.
Interstitial cystitis basically means that you have an overactive and spastic bladder. It’s urinary frequency and urgency, along with having bladder spasms, bladder pain, and the inability to empty your bladder. There are several things that can trigger these symptoms even with being on medication. It varies by person but some of the causes are consuming caffeine, carbonation, alcohol, spicy foods, etc. That means no soda, no chocolate, no tea, etc. These symptoms can also be triggered by intercourse. To make matters worse, these flare-ups can happen without reason. I find out new things that cause these flare-ups all of the time. I’m already a picky eater/drinker and I’m adding to the list of things I don’t like/can’t have all of the time. I fell in love with lemonade but I believe that the acid in it causes flare-ups.
There are medicines that can help control this disease but there is no cure for it. Whenever the flare-ups occur there isn’t a way to ease the pain or symptoms. For me personally baths tend to help. For some people a heating pad helps. I’ve tried this and it doesn’t seem to have much of an affect on me. So imagination the most painful type of UTI that comes and goes more often than a woman’s regulatory period. That is kind of what it’s like.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


In my personal opinion if you are not living under your parent's roof, unmarried, not in school, and capable of working then you should be supporting yourself.  I understand that there are special circumstances making exceptions to "the rule," but it's very rare. I will call this "rule" the "self-sufficient rule." If you chose to move out of your parent's house for reasons that do not fall under the "self sufficient rule" then you should be supporting yourself. And if you are living somewhere and are not required to pay rent or contribute to any bills then you should contribute in other ways at all times. You should help with cleaning especially. Lazy, spoiled people are a big pet peeve of mine. Don't brag about the fact that you don't have to pay for anything when you have the financial means to do so but choose not to. It's disgusting and shows how immature you are. Some people need to wake up and smell their own bullshit.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

"The next person that fucks with me...

is gonna get it. I got my shank ready!"
That is the text that I sent my sister. And that just about sums up my day so far.

My day started with me having to get up extremely early in comparison to my normal schedule; it's not because I'm lazy, it's because I work nights. I had to get up early in order to go to orientation. It was your typical snooze fest type of orientation. Later in the day one guy actually almost got kicked out for falling asleep, it was quite amusing. Various times throughout the first half of orientation the people from HR in charge of orientation would put these silly videos on telling us about the company. They'd turn off the lights and then leave the room. I wanted to take a nap so bad but I didn't know how long each video was going to be and when they were coming back.

There was a handful of guys that spoke very little English and two guys that spoke NO English and they needed a translator. They, of course, were sitting right in front of me. I wanted to punch someone.

Before we took our lunch break the HR ladies went through our forms packet with us. They explained how everything needed to be filled out and answered any questions. Before we could leave they looked through everyone's packet individually with them to make sure we had done everything correctly. WOW! 95% of the people in this shindig with me had basically not listened to a word they said and didn't fill much of anything out. I felt pretty good when the lady looked through mine and didn't have to do anything to mine like she had with just about everyone else's. The only thing she even said was "Oh, you're Linda's daughter?" Yay for having pride while surrounded by a bunch of morons.

I went to lunch and I didn't want to sit in the cafeteria by myself while I was eating so I went to my office so I could chit chat with everyone in there. Well I got a burger which comes with fries, I didn't want the fries so I offered them to my best friend Kristi who works in my office. She declined and the one person I can't stand in our small office, Bev, says "If you have any extra, Sarah, I'll take 'em." Since I was just going to throw them away I gave them to her. That's some background info for an upcoming situation. I'm just going in order of events.

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend and I played what we thought was a harmless prank on 2 co-workers in the form of signage (pictures with sexual comments written on them). They both laughed it off and joked around with us about it. The next day we had a meeting about sexual harrassment because the signage had fallen into the wrong hands. In this meeting the safety guy from our building, Jim, said that whoever had done this would be terminated. At the end of the meeting my boyfriend and I were called to our boss's office individually and she told us that "everyone was saying it was us" and it was true. We admitted it. She told both of us that she hoped that we wouldn't be fired but there would be serious consequences. Here we are a few weeks later, nothing has happened and I just officially joined the company (today - orientation) and will be receiving a raise on my first check. WELL in the second part of orientation we had the safety part of it. Guess who ran this? The safety guy from MY building, Jim, that wanted to fire whoever had pulled these pranks. During his portion he would ask questions expecting people to give some input and anytime I would TRY to participate he would completely ignore me. He was talking about something else and used the words "if you.. blah blah blah... I will take issue with you." So I guess he has taken issue with me.

Once orientation was done I had to go straight to my building and get to work. Orientation was supposed to last until 4 or 4:30 but we are done by 3:45. I walk into my office to set my stuff down and then I'm I plan on going to go use the bathroom. The second I walk in I am handed something to do that was originally something handed to Bev. As soon as she saw me open the door she tells them "Sarah is here now." So I told them "I'm not 'here' yet. I have to pee." They said "Well Bev said that you're here." UGHHHHHHHHHH. I just left it and went to pee. It was still sitting on my desk when I got back, of course. It's so irritating that I was nice to her earlier today and then she tried to burn me as soon as I officially came in to work.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

just updates

I believe the biggest thing that has come up since I last blogged as that my ex that I wrote the letter to in the previous blog attempted to contact me, but under very strange circumstances.
I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I use my phone as a flashlight to get from the bed to the bathroom which is right outside of our door. But I always seem to run into things and knock things over so using my phone is to help prevent these tragic incidents from happening and waking Jeremy up. When I got back in bed I decided to check my phone to see if I had any emails. Well I actually had a missed call/voicemail. It was from a Houston number which I didn't have saved nor did I recognize the number. I checked the voicemail and it said:
"Sarah, this is Brad. I'm... Can you call my mom? (XXX) XXX-XXXX. I'm in the Pasadena County Jail for some bunk as charges. Please call my mom, please!"
I was in such shock I didn't even know what to do. I woke Jeremy up and made him listen to it because I didn't want to get in any sort of trouble for holding things like that from him. I assume the only reason he called me was because I'm the only local number that he has memorized. Very odd. I don't know why he'd contact me though because the last time we spoke it was about him owing me money which he said he would be sending to me soon and then never did.
I couldn't understand one of the numbers he said while telling me his mom's phone number. So I sent both of his sisters messages on facebook letting them know about this phone call, what it said and how I couldn't understand one of the numbers because the phone cut out or something. Then I did a public search online and found his mom's number. I called but there was no answer and no voicemail. So I sent his sisters another message letting them know that. I only went to all of this trouble because of karma.
His older sister who seemed to be the most understanding about our breakup (because his mom and other sister deleted and blocked me and she didn't do any of that) messaged me back and told me that they knew, thanked me twice for my effort and said she hoped all was well. I responded saying it wasn't a problem and that I would be changing my number soon, just an fyi.
His younger sister responded and said that he got in contact with them, he was out of jail and she was sorry that he bothered me. I wanted to respond saying something about him owing me money, but I just didn't respond at all.
I'm changing my number sometime next week or weekend. I CANNOT WAIT.

So far school is going well. Not too bad I suppose. What I'm learning about right now is pretty stupid. It's all about the steps you need to take in order to be able to learn I suppose. I'm about to start lesson 3 (each lesson is 60-70 pages long). The first lesson was about using study guides, ways to study, etc. The second lesson was about the basics to business. The next one is called Information Literacy. It's about using different research aides such as the public library, the school's online library, the internet, etc. *yawn* Fortunately I've been busy so I've been able to justify putting it off. But now I have some free time and I just don't want to start it quite yet. And that is why I'm blogging right now rather than doing schoolwork.

In about 3 weeks Britni, Kristi, Kristi's son Dominic and I are going to Concan (it's right by Garner). We went when we were younger with Kristi's family. I was actually kind of dreading going but I didn't want to not go and then feel left out later. Now I'm pretty excited. It will be fun because the 3 of us haven't gone on a trip together in a long time. It's crazy to think that I have been best friends with them for about 13 years. But I'm really glad that we have stuck together all of this time, even though we have drifted we never let our friendship die out completely. Now it's almost long old times, but we are adults and unfortunately have conflicting schedules.

That's all I have for now.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Letter to no one

I want to write my ex a letter since he won't respond to my texts, but it's best that I don't. If I do then he will think that he still impacts my life in some way and that is not the case.

Dear Brad,
I just wanted to update you on what's been going on in my life since I left you.

I no longer live with my parents, I live with my boyfriend. He owns a house but it needs some work before we move in. He wants to take his time to fix it up so it's perfect and not just a house that's "move-in ready." He just replaced the roof this past weekend himself. His family helped him a little bit, they're really close. He has a big family that I love. He's letting me decorate everything in the new house. I even get a second room to use as a closet. I decided it will be my closet/the guest room. He even took my advice on what color to paint the house, but that will be one of the last things that he does.
He's a really great guy. He's not jealous, posessive, obsessed or clingy. He's financially responsible and stable, a hard worker, an undercover sweetheart and he trusts me. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. I know that I would love to.

Britni, Kristi and I are much closer. Britni and I got Kristi a pretty expensive flower arrangement for her birthday. I brought it into work (we work together) the day before her birthday and hid it in another office until she left for the day. Once she was gone I put it on her desk so that it would be there in the morning (her actual birthday) when she showed up. She was pleasantly surprised. They are my heterosexual soulmates. I don't know what I would do without them in my life. We agree that our friendship is more important than our other half. Our friendship will never fade like it did before. I think that was because I had moved away. Kristi moved away several years ago but she came back. This town has a way of sucking you back in, but I'm okay with that.

I believe that all of the bad things that happened to me (losing my job and ending our relationship) caused me to move back home but I think it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. In result I have built an amazing friendship back up and found my true love. I believe that this is the happiest that I have ever been.

I just started school. I'm going to get a degree in Human Resource Management. I'm doing it online. I don't have the internet at home right now so I'm doing it at work, at my parents' house and/or my boyfriend's sister's house. We are getting satellite installed next month, he's paying for it so I can do my schoolwork at home.

I have had the same job since I moved back, it's been almost 5 months now. I have been working for a chemical plant through a staffing company. I just recently got a raise. I will be receiving another one soon when I become employed by the actual chemical plant. Once I get my degree I could actually use it to work here if I wanted.

I will be getting a new phone along with a new number next weekend. I don't want some people that have my current number to contact me any longer, plus I want to have the same area code as where I'm living so it won't be long distance for anyone to call me from a land line. You won't be getting the new number.

You still owe me $300+. You said that you would pay me almost a month ago but I never really believed that you would. And I was right in doing so, obviously. I can take care of myself financially so I never relied on you or had to. I was financially responsible when we were together, you actually borrowed money from me every week. You would pay me back just to ask to borrow money again the next day.

I know that you tried to tell my parents "why I got fired." I don't know what made you think that you could do that without me finding out. And I don't know what made you think that it would effect their feelings towards me. They don't care about what you have to say about me. I'm their daughter and they are going to love me regardless of what you say, truth or lies. I feel like you told them that so they would resent me and then not help me move. But like I said they're my parents and anything you told them wouldn't change their pre-existing feelings about me. All it did was make them like you even less. Fortunately it was the end of us so they didn't have to waste their time having to pretend to like you any longer. They were worried about my health because of the stress from our fighting.

I hope you live a happy and successful life, just as long as I am not a part of it.

Monday, March 21, 2011


I guess since the beginning of my current relationship I have had my doubts.
My thinking was like this:
  1. It won't go anywhere and I'm okay with that.
  2. I think I might want something more but I know he doesn't.
  3. Okay I need to be patient but now he wants a relationship.
  4. We're together but I doubt it will last.
Since then we had a "fight." I wouldn't really call it a fight because there honestly was no fighting, I just don't know what else to call it. It was really late one night and we started talking about things that we didn't like in our relationship. His issue was my dog being inside even though he knows why she is and agrees that it's a good reason but that doesn't change the fact that he didn't want her to be inside. My issues were that I didn't want things to be so seperate between us, I wanted there to be more of an "us." Maybe I just need to feel needed. I like being relied on I suppose. Well it came to an end because he said something that hurt my feelings and I started crying, then he started crying because he didn't want me to be sad. I thought that was pretty sweet. We kind of agreed that we understood each other but we couldn't find a compromise but we would work on it.

The only reason my dog, Ellie, is inside is because she's not fixed. I don't want her to get pregnant because there are enough dogs where we are living. Six total; two are mine and he doesn't have any. I told him that if Ellie was fixed then she'd be an outside dog but I didn't have the money to fix her and that if he wanted to pay for it then it would be a win-win. Well he had his sister call vets nearby that I hadn't checked with yet about their pricing and his brother's girlfriend called Adopt A Pet which ended up being the cheapest and very reasonable. He told me that he would pay to have her fixed if I helped him do some stuff at the house next door. So it's a deal!

The house next door belongs to his family but needs to be redone (about $10000 worth of work). He plans on putting all of the money and work into it and moving in. He started working on it this weekend. $2000 in and there's a new roof! Well since he started working on the house we have been using the words "us" and "ours" more often.

So I guess both of our issues have been solved or are on their way to being solved.
Somehow after this weekend I feel like things between us are more stable, more comfortable and I feel like it could last. I don't know that I've ever been this happy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Time changes everything!

When I was younger I thought that I would get married very young, basically right out of highschool, and start having lots of babies right off the bat. Well here I am 6yrs later and none of that has happened. I've made quite a few life changing decisions in my life and have yet to really stick with any of them. I just feel like I'm stuck in this place between being a child and an adult. I've done adult things such as start school, get my own place, live with a guy, buy a car, etc. but I still just don't feel like an adult. I never know what I want without a doubt. Maybe I thought life would just be a fairy tale and everything would work itself out and be perfect. There's no such thing as a fairy tale though. There's no prince charming, no castle and nothing is just handed to you for free.

I've never truly believed that any guy was the one. I may have thought a couple were, but then in a split second I am brought back down to reality when another guy catches my eye. I don't know why I do that to myself, am I trying to set myself up for failure? Or am I just making myself realize that I'm not completely satisfied and I just ended up settling?

Is it wrong to want a guy to buy me gifts from time to time to show me that he cares? Or do what I want to do on a Saturday night? Or let me win something every once in a while? I do all of those things for guys and I know if I didn't then the relationship wouldn't work or even exist. I want to feel wanted and loved when I show someone those same emotions. Maybe guys just work differently than girls. I just want my feelings and emotions to be returned.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Bitch fest

Background info:
Kristi = best friend / Dominic = her son / Alyssa = her sister & my roommate / Lynn & Phil = her parents & my landlord

I should've known there was trouble in paradise in the very beginning.
I live with someone that has a disability where most people don't live past the age of 8. She is now 20. She recieves disability checks, lives in her parents old house (as in they no longer live there but still pay for almost everything) and parties non-stop.
After living there for 5 weeks bomb #2 gets dropped on me. I won't even get into bomb #1.
Apparently Alyssa has been lying to her mom about a lot of things ever since I moved in.
I would love to go into detail, but this is not the time nor the place, ha.

Before I moved in I was under the impression, because I was flat out told this, that I would be moving in on a trial basis. My move date got moved up because Alyssa was in the hospital and Phil told Kristi to tell me to go ahead and move in so I could get settled in. So I did just that. I was informed today that I was wrong. I was supposed to move some stuff in here and there and not move in for a weeks, but during those few weeks of not living there and having my stuff there that would be the trial basis. Makes sense, right? NOPE.

Supposedly the electricity bill has doubled and I mess with the A/C all of the time according to Alyssa. I informed Lynn that Alyssa has someone stay the night all of the time (not that I care) and that maybe he messes with the A/C. Lynn says that's okay because Alyssa is her daughter and she pays rent. I PAY RENT. I was unaware of this but when you pay rent for a house that you're rent it doesn't entitle you to live comfortably. You shouldn't touch the A/C, have internet access, cable tv, hang pictures on the wall, have guests, etc. But before I moved in the only rule was "no smoking."

They say one thing and then completely turn it around.

So I told her that I would pay for 2 months rent and be out by the end of the month.
Tomorrow is Dominic's birthday party so I will have to see all of them.
I told Lynn to just pretned like I wasn't there tomorrow. Then she started yelling at me telling me that I was being immature. I said "You're yelling at me and I'm being immature?" She laughed and then said "I'm actually standing her sobbing in the mirror trying to figure out how this all happened." WTF?!?!
After that I told her would pay for 6 weeks and be out by this weekend. Well I calculated it up and I've been there for 5 weeks and have paid for 4, so now I only owe for 1 week. So I am going to pay that ASAP and be done with this mess. Such bullshit.

I kind of figured it out, though. Alyssa lived on her own and didn't want a roommate to begin with, so why would she have changed her mind? So she's lying to her mom to either make them kick me out or make me want to leave. Regardless, she won.

I suppose it's a good thing. I didn't like being there anyway. She has parties all of the time, is super messy and has 3 cats. VOMIT.

I'm a nomad. I haven't stayed in one place for longer than 18 months since I was 18. I don't see that stopping now. Trouble follows me everywhere.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Exes can be so deceitful. They have tricks up their sleeve that you wouldn't believe.

Background info: My ex was on my phone plan even after we broke up, we discussed it and decided that he'd remain on my plan so that we both could save money until he could afford to cancel his portion of the contract. Well after he couldn't pay the bill on time 2 months in a row I told him that I was going to turn it off. He calls me cussing me out but tells me to do it, only because he wanted to test me. Some people have so little faith in me. Well the very next day that's just what I did.

So for the trickery... He texted me in the middle of the night from a number I didn't recognize. So of course I'm going to respond asking who it is. He tells me who it is and that he's going to send me the money he owes me soon and later asks if we can be friends. Since he's psycho I tell him that we'll see as in it's possible, only because I want my money.
So I guess we both have our tricks.
And now I basically haven't heard from him since. So he just came up with this plan to mess with my head.

Fortunately, I didn't count on ever recieving the money. Otherwise I'd be screwed.
My plans for the money were to buy a new phone, get a new number and never have to hear from him again. Of course right before I did all that I was going to thank him for the money, tell him my plan & that he could fuck off for all of the bullshit he put me through.
I came up with this plan after finding out that the day I was moving out he went behind my back and lied to my parents about something that he THOUGHT would make them resent me and not help me move anymore. That plus him telling me he was going to send me some money.

Soon enough I will have the money to get a new phone and continue with my plan, but instead tell him that I didn't need his money and that he's a stupid bum peice of shit for the previous stated reasons.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Friendship is a two-way street.

This title is something I strongly believe in.
I've been on both ends of this statement-- being the friend that feels like the only one who cares and being told by the other person that I "don't care."
As far as being told that I don't care, it's pretty amazing how I show them that I "don't care."
People whine and whine about being so unhappy, not having any friends, etc. but it's all bullshit.
When effort is actually made it goes unnoticed or ignored. You're not looking for friendship. You just want attention and want someone to feel sorry for you. I'm not buying into it anymore.